the rix mix

This presidential election will be decided by a few hundred thousand white suburban women in Colorado, Virginia, North Carolina, Ohio & Florida. If Mitt starts reminding them of their first husbands, he's a goner. Just a thought.

 Anyway, this young guy whizzed by me earlier on a small electric motor scooter. It was pretty nice, quiet,  sit down model, about 15 mph, even had a tail light. Functional. Looked sturdy enough.  But it was totally illegal. There's no way it could be brought up to legal standard.  The scooter & moped laws here are very strict:  You need a legal moped, you need registration, you need insurance,  you need a helmet, you have to pass a  written test & road test if you don't have a driver license.  No electric skateboards or razor scooters. Even those slow electric toy cars you see children driving on the sidewalk as their parents walk behind are technically illegal. A legal scooter without pedals requires a motorcycle license.

The guy didn't reason through why there aren't hundreds of electric scooters like his on the streets here. Maybe he's stupid enough to think it was his original idea.  Or  the dealer sold him lies.  One of three things will happen to him soon. He'll be in an accident. The scooter will break & either no one can repair it or repairs will cost as much as he paid for it. Most likely the police will just stop him & confiscate it. They could cite him for a half-dozen violations, if not more, some quite serious,  but probably won't. They'll insinuate  they will nail him if he tries to retrieve it from police custody. The police have a large garage somewhere filled with various illegal motorized vehicles, from electric skateboards to funky homemade gasoline engine mopeds like a guy in my building had for about a week.  Unlike unclaimed bicycles they can't auction them off to the general public.

Labels: count the yoyos, Elizabeth NJ, THE election

"He [President Obama] says we need more firemen, more policemen, more teachers. Did he not get the message of Wisconsin? The American people did. It's time for us to cut back on government and help the American people."

 Mitt Romney

I would love for President Obama to get Mitt to say during a debate that America needs fewer firefighters, police officers & school teachers. It would not go over well with the demographic that will likely decide this election: independent white women. Listen for them demanding,  "Yeah, let's make America more dangerous for our families as we make our children dumber. What could be more helpful for America?"'

Governor Walker's reaction: He had exempted police & fire unions from collective bargaining restrictions, & responded to Miit's statement, " I know in my state our reform allowed us to protect firefighters, police officers and teachers; that's not what I think when I think of big government."

Labels: count the yoyos, THE election

Unlike the more homogeneous right wing gatherings & protests (white, middle-aged & older, conservative Christian), liberal/progressive rallies & marches tend to be heterogeneous, with a wide variety of people young & old, multi-colored. Fringe groups & crackpots come out of the shadows & attach themselves to these events. They have their own complaints & agendas, sometimes only peripherally related to the major issues. In one of his tweets, Wisconsin UCC Pastor Dan Schultz (watching on TV) noted with  relief the absence of giant caricature puppets in Madison; these eye-catching & oft-offensive (but amusing) things - the creations of art school leftists - are common in European street actions & strikes.

Liberal rallies also draw identity groups that offend conservatives merely because they openly exist at all, like lesbian public school teachers. Of course, lesbians have long been a considerable percentage of teachers, since teaching was one of the few professional occupations available to unmarried, educated  women, those "spinsters" who lived alone or shared a home with another Miss Somebody.

Some people are simply rude & vulgar. & the young folks are inclined to behave as young folks.

The difference  is that the right wing spectrum, though diverse in its own limited way, is so much narrower overall. One gets the impression that the loonies & bigots are in the middle of it. Moderation is anathema, ideologues are championed.  A majority of those identifying themselves as Republicans are "birthers." Delegates to the Republican National Convention see nothing racist or offensive about wearing "funny" hats with Barack Obama clenched in the jaws of an alligator. They're the base, the mainstream of their party. For them, scientific inquiry & methods are  in eternal struggle with religious doctrine. They move smoothly from Republican organizations - which one would hope are the larger tents  - to doctrinaire religious & right wing organizations.

Most of the Democrats I know in Jersey are first of all Regular Party People, with a few general but firm  beliefs about the role of government, & are rather old-fashioned (meaning "urban machine") about how the party functions. The latter irritates reformers, particularly those from suburbia. A few Democratic demographics  do have a difficult time of it. But many liberal/left people consider themselves outside the Democratic Party mainstream, or outside the Party altogether. There's much resentment toward the Democratic establishment for not purging so-called "Blue Dogs" the way Repugs have purged or rendered powerless their "RINO" members, & because President Obama & the Clintonistas are considered too cozy with Wall Street & K Street.

Anyway, I'm not apologizing for any offensive signs & expressions found among the crowds in Madison WI.  The over-whelming majority of the folks in the crowds vote Democratic when they vote (although some of them voted for Gov. Walker & now regret it). Union members at the core of the protests may be pains-in-the-asses to deal with, but radicals they are not anymore. They're teachers, accountants, clerks, computer programmers,  truck drivers, janitors, nurses, paralegals, police officers, firefighters, EMTs - our neighbors & the glue of government. Again, those kinds of mass gatherings are traditionally grabbed as opportunities for fringe people to show their stuff. At the peace marches of the Sixties, the "Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh" shouters made the biggest noise - you hear them in old news films -  but they actually were a  very small portion of the crowd, which detested their presence. That group wanted to stir up trouble.  But what could one do? Just try to shout louder.

I assume there are nutty,  insensitive  people in the crowds at Madison protesting Gov. Walker.  Just wade into the crowd with a video camera & single  them out. Maybe Heritage Foundation or a Koch Brothers shadow organization  will pay you to do it (you'd be foolish to do it for free).  But they're not running for higher elective office, & if they try they won't win. It's the Repugs who  elect  Rep, Michelle Bachman  & allow her prime time center stage to spout nonsense. That they may do so reluctantly is of no matter.  She represents their base now.

Labels: bully pulpit, count the yoyos, in the news

NY Rep. Lee resigns after shirtless photo story

CLARENCE, N.Y. – A married New York congressman accused of sending a shirtless photo of himself to a woman abruptly resigned Wednesday, saying he regretted actions that had hurt his family and others.

The gossip website Gawker reported Wednesday that Rep. Christopher Lee, a two-term Republican with a young son, had e-mailed the photo to a woman he met on the Craigslist classified-ads website.

Why is it always a surprise? Probably because we don't know who will be next, & it's rarely the politicians we expect (the shock of Clinton/Lewinsky wasn't so much that Bill did it, but who he did it with). These guys are not under-achievers & they're usually not late-bloomers, either; you can trace their ambitions all the way back to high school. So you'd think they'd add "don't mess around" to their list of Steps to Success. But there's psychology at work in these men I don't understand, a risk-taking that seems unnecessary. Most politicians  I've met - although they've all been local office-holders - aren't creative, or even particularly interesting on subjects other than politics. But for many, their out-sized egos are their most obvious personality traits.

Former New York Gov. David Paterson, who I happen to like, confessed that he had had an affair. Just an affair. His wife had one, too. Their marriage survived for better or worse. It seemed so - ordinary. Besides, he hadn't aspired to become a high profile governor of a high profile state. The guy he replaced had been caught charging visits to prostitutes on his credit card, & apparently had quite an addiction to them.

 Cheating on a sick wife & serving her divorce papers while she's hospitalized. Trying to pick up men in an airport bathroom. Trolling the internet & sending provocative photos to strangers. My fav, a governor telling the wife & kids he's hiking the Appalachian Trail when he's really in Buenos Aires boinking his señorita.

Labels: count the yoyos, in the news

An Associated Press photo with the caption "The ocean at Waikiki Beach starts to recede, Saturday, Feb. 27, 2010 in Honolulu."

All night & morning people were evacuating lowlying areas, buying supplies in supermarkets like Jerseyans before a three inch snowfall. The Navy was even sailing ships out of Pearl Harbor as a precaution. Nobody knew how large the waves would be. So what's with these two guys, the one on the right looking he's talking on cellphone?

Labels: count the yoyos

Yesterday, the report of a guy walking into unguarded Trenton NJ police headquarters, stealing a detective's radio & laptop, then trying to sell the radio a couple blocks away in Taco Bell drive thru line. Nobody came out looking good in that one, except the customer in the car who called 911. Today this:

Bloomfield cops respond to burglary, discover pot growing operation

Just before midnight Friday, a couple called police saying that someone broke into their Willard Avenue home and stole their safe...

You can guess the rest. But it was the size of the indoor farm that surprised:

Officers traced the odor to the basement, where they found 73 marijuana plants, Wallace said. The couple also had a sophisticated lighting, ventilation and irrigation system specialized for growing marijuana.

Ah, our optician prescribed it for nearsightedness?

Labels: count the yoyos, in the news, New Jersey

Salahi denies being White House party-crasher

Of course Mr. & Mrs. Salahi were uninvited, & of course they're every bit the a-holes we think they are, & it's too late to do anything about them, because they accomplished their goal of becoming trash celebrities. At least some heads will roll in the Secret Service & on the White House social event staff. No president since Lincoln has been so at-risk from the implacable rage unleashed by his legitimate election to office, a rage directed at Barack Obama personally.

When Lincoln was president, anyone could walk into the White House & wander around. Washington was filled with spies & loud-mouth seditious Southern sympathizers - many of them entrenched in congress & the Federal bureaucracy, or writing for extremely partisan newspapers. Remind you of anyone? Others were even more dangerous, & Lincoln's close friends lost sleep worrying about his safety. Besides weekly meet & greet receptions featuring Mrs. Lincoln when she wasn't grieving, sick, or depressed, the President had regular open office hours & any citizen could get in line & have a chance to meet with him privately & waste his time. Some wanted his autograph or to counsel him on how to win the war (He knew how to win the war, he just couldn't make his generals do it). Others expected an appointment as part-time under-assistant postmaster of an obscure village. It was what he had to look forward to after his breakfast of one soft-boiled egg, a piece of toast, & coffee. The White House coffee, I imagine, was wretched in those days. Lincoln rarely treated his visitors rudely or abruptly, but he was expert at telling a little joke while steering supplicants out of his office before they realized they had been dismissed without getting anything. But then the next one entered.

Labels: Barack Hussein Obama, count the yoyos, culture, media madness

Sheesh. Girardi gives all the regs a day off except Posada, Cabrera & Cano after clinching the division, Cano hits a grand slam & the Yanks whump Royals 8-2. & play errorless ball. Though it must be suggested KC wasn't trying very hard. Naturally, those guys are thinking about fishing or where they'll be residing next year. Like The Mets. Who lost to the worst team in MLB, The Nats, 2-1 on a dreary night in D.C. Even I couldn't bear to tune in that game on the radio. The AP sports writer was so embarrassed to be there he didn't put a byline on his recap.
***
Bayonne man went through toll booths over 2,000 times without paying

Sari Ahmet, a limousine driver, sailed through toll booths without paying a staggering 2,351 times, according to the New Jersey Turnpike.

He was enrolled in EZ-Pass but didn't have the transponder in his car, officials said.

Ahmet, of New Bay Court in Bayonne, turned himself after receiving calls from detectives and was arrested by State Police on Aug. 26.

State Police Sgt. Stephen Jones said Ahmet, who was charged by the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office, had racked up $3,800 unpaid tolls, with an additional $70,000 in administration fees, officials said.

I never got a ticket for running a toll, although running tolls sometimes was unavoidable when baskets were the primary method for collection on the Parkway. If it jammed, or a rock band had wedged a bumper sticker in there, you had to move on when the car horns behind you began singing.

I did once receive a parking ticket by mail from a North Jersey town I'd never visited. When I called the violations bureau there to complain, the lady immediately said she'd void it, & that made me wonder if the town had a scam going.

Labels: baseball, count the yoyos, New Jersey, sports

This bizarre Jon Voight quote from a Repug fundraiser is getting deserved attention:

Obama really thinks that he is a soft-spoken Julius Caeser. He thinks he’s going to conquer the world with his soft-spoken sweet talk. And really thinks he’s going to bring all the enemies of the world into a little playground where they’ll swing each other back and forth. We and we alone are the right frame of mind to free this nation from this Obama oppression.

And let’s give thanks to all the great people like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin, William Bennett, Glenn Beck, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Dennis Miller, Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, John Kasich, Michael Steele, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Thomas Sowell, Victor Davis Hanson, Shelby Steele, Charles Krauthammer, Michelle Malkin, Fred Barnes and so many others. Let’s give thanks to them for not giving up and staying the course to bring an end to this false prophet Obama.

What caught my attention is the list. There isn't one elected Repug legislator on it, & although a lot of the names support only Repugs, they're actually unaffiliated celebrity ideologues. Voight's entire little speech was crazy. But since one would have to be crazy to speak at a Repug fundraiser.... I feel a Catch-22 in there. & to think this guy is a great actor, father of Angelina Jolie, & the brother of Chip Taylor - composer of "Wild Thing" & "I Can't Let Go." He also claims to be friends with Hillary Clinton. Oh well, Voight used to be a celebrity leftist - more left than me - & then just flipped over, a neurotic thing. Voight says the the younger him was influenced by "Marxist propaganda." How come I knew what was Marxist propaganda & he didn't? Maybe because I've written stuff I knew was no better than propaganda. My poetry teacher said it's alright to write propaganda for a worthy cause provided you understand that's what it is. Voight is still a sucker for propaganda, & a mouthpiece in a terrible cause, & a stinking liar. Being a fine actor doesn't make him wise. Some actors are notoriously stupid, or notorious assholes, or both.

Labels: Barack Hussein Obama, count the yoyos, culture, Showbiz

This guy is a clown:

RNC chief: Gay marriage will burden small business
By RUSS BYNUM

SAVANNAH, Ga. (AP) — Republicans can reach a broader base by recasting gay marriage as an issue that could dent pocketbooks as small businesses spend more on health care and other benefits, GOP Chairman Michael Steele said Saturday.

Steele said that was just an example of how the party can retool its message to appeal to young voters and minorities without sacrificing core conservative principles. Steele said he used the argument weeks ago while chatting on a flight with a college student who described herself as fiscally conservative but socially liberal on issues like gay marriage.

"Now all of a sudden I've got someone who wasn't a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for," Steele told Republicans at the state convention in traditionally conservative Georgia. "So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money."

As Steele talked about ways the party could position itself, he also poked fun at his previous pledge to give the GOP a "hip-hop makeover."

"You don't have to wear your pants cut down here or the big bling," he said.

Steele merely expressing national Chamber of Commerce view. Note that he doesn't tell how the college student reacted. A socially liberal (or even moderate) person supports equal rights in the form of civil unions or marriage, both of which extend (or ought to extend) the same basic spousal & family benefits in the workplace. In exacting civil union legislation like Great Britain has, the legal & contractual benefits & obligations are identical to marriage. Supporting marriage equality over civil unions tends to go to other matters. It also recognizes that America isn't Great Britain, & our tentative approach is resulting in a patchwork of conflicting & unfair laws. So the young "socially liberal" student would have to oppose both unions & marriage, which we can be certain she will not do on the counsel of The Party of Homobigots. Same sex marriage is better for small business than civil unions because it opens up the vast wedding industry to a new, affluent clientele.

The argument, "You just cost me money," sounds like the gripe of an unhappily married heterosexual man headed for divorce court. The young woman on the plane must have picked up on that tone & thought, "Here's an a-hole who won't pay his child support on time." Hey Mikey, remember, "It's cheaper to keep her."

Labels: count the yoyos, culture, in the news

It's a signature day in Jersey Repug politics. Joe the Plumber came fully out of the closet as a homobigot, & at a rally over at a German club in Clark NJ, Repug gubernatorial candidate Steve Lonegan accepts Joe's warm endorsement. So much for "rebranding" the same old dreary product. It's a bratwurst Cinco de Mayo.

For them that's interested, Frank L. Cocozzelli explains the difference between The Neo & Paleo Wings of the Catholic Right over at Talk to Action.

There's a paleo-catholic columnist-blogger & Lonegan enthusiast at the Star-Ledger, Paul Mulshine. He's immediately recognizable as a sourpuss Irish-American Catholic who sounds like he was whipped into a permanent bad mood by Jansenist nuns wearing starched, burlap underwear before Vatican II, & thinks rejecting his father's taste in crappy beer was an act of serious rebellion. He's had a more interesting life than that (I wonder if he was a spook) , although you'd hardly tell from his current writing. In a recent blog, Paul trotted out the hoary argument that liberals are the real racists, conspiring to keep African-Americans yoked to socialist welfare programs, undermining their self-initiative. This line of reasoning used to be advanced by yankees who said they were personally against southern Jim Crow laws but considered de facto segregation part of the Darwinian natural order, even if they didn't believe in evolution. A rank sentimentalist at heart (like all cynical, Irish prose writers who detest poetry), Paul can't bring himself to admit that Ronald Reagan inspired the very neocons that ran the guvmint during Bush II.

Joe the Plumber doesn't want gay people around his children. What kind of father would want Joe the Bigot around his own kids? A protective dad would tell Joe, "Don't even look at my children, you moronic scuzbag."

I want to like Paul. Mainly because I'm partial to a Jersey surfer's desire to ride the big ones in hurricanes. Mostly they have to make do with small ones. I feel a little sorry for writers who habitually reach for H.L. Mencken before Mark Twain; but then you realize they studied journalism in college, not literature. On the rare occasions they show up at poetry readings that aren't in bars, they're always disappointed when the poets vote to go to a diner afterward. & we usually do. So they sit at the end of the table, a bit isolated, complaining about the coffee & trying to start arguments over current events, frustrated by what sounds to them like small talk.

Labels: about writing, count the yoyos, New Jersey politics

A shout out for Repug gubernatorial candidate Steve Lonegan's Cinco de Mayo event featuring Joe the Plumber.

May 5th, Deutscher Club in Clark, NJ, on Tuesday, May 5th starting at 6 pm.

GENERAL ADMISSION
(includes Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Veggie Burgers, Bratwurst, Baurenwurst, Herbed Chicken, Pasta Salad, German Potato Salad, Baked Beans, Sauerkraut, Coleslaw, Fruit Salad, Corn on the Cob, French Fries, Watermelon) ONLY $50!

VIP ADMISSION (includes above and Book Signing)
ONLY $125!

GOLD TICKET (above and photo op with Joe and Steve) ONLY
$250!

DIAMOND RECEPTION (private meeting before the event)
ONLY $1000!

Buses will be departing from all corners of the state for this once-in-a-lifetime event. For those traveling from far and wide, hotel accommodation information will be forthcoming.

Joe the Plumber 2009 Lonegan Endorsement Tour tee-shirts, hats, and pins will be available on site.

The bratwurst at Deutscher is reputedly quite good, but you'll have more fun if you wait & wrangle a guest invite to Oktoberfest at the club. Joe The Plumber could never outshine Sam the Plumber in Jersey. Joe is famous for being famous, but like some celebrities on Dancing With the Stars, it's difficult to recall how he became famous the first time. Sam was the local organized crime boss who provided much of the inspiration for the character of Tony Soprano. Sam hung out at a popular Italian restaurant, Angie & Min's. Didn't cost you anything to meet Sam, provided you didn't owe him money, although he probably wasn't enthusiastic about having his photo taken. I used to patronize a Dunkin' Donuts near Sam's office. In fact, my step-brother met his lovely wife when she was working the counter at that Dunkin'. Sometimes there were wise guy types in there, but lots of guys in Jersey act like wise guys, it's difficult to know the real ones. You just learn to mind your own business.

Joe's neighbors in Ohio must be very amused that some people fork over a grand to meet Joe & have their picture taken with him. Joe the Plumber is a magnet for a certain type of angry white man. These men are like male chimpanzees: They think if they jump up & down, pound their chests, shriek, & show us their rumps, we'll believe there's twice as many of them as there actually are. They'll be displaying themselves at the Deutscher on May 5th like monkeys in a zoo.

Labels: count the yoyos, New Jersey politics

This kind of talk by a sitting governor (even of Texas) is outrageous:

QUESTION: What do you think about the idea of secession or sovereignty for your state?

PERRY: Oh, I think there’s a lot of different scenarios. Texas is a unique place. When we came into the Union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that.

My hope is that America, and Washington in particular, pays attention. We’ve got a great Union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it.

But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what might come out of that.

Did over 600,000 Americans die to settle this matter, ending slavery while they were at it, or is it a lie all the history books perpetrate?

Rick Perry is creating an illusion of a reality that encourages violent hard cases to come crawling out of their basements, attics, & desert compounds to advance The Cause.

Article III, Section 3. Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.

Texas receives a return of about .97 on every federal tax dollar. By contrast, New Jersey receives .65. An imprecise measurement, but I'm surprised Texas isn't making a profit when one considers all the government facilities & contracts Texas has, funneled there by powerful Washington politicians including three Texan presidents holding office for 17 of the past 45 years, not to mention Speakers of the House & Majority Leaders going back to the New Deal era There's more than a little sour grapes in Perry. Texans don't have the clout they had only a few months ago. The wide open spigot of federal money that long watered a state already wealthy from its own resources might be twisted back another turn, although it's unlikely. Someday the governor of Texas may again represent & speak for all the state's constituents (now 45% Hispanic & African-American) instead of a right wing white minority gerrymandered into power. Perry himself was re-elected governor in 2006 with only 39% (Kinky Friedman received over a half-million votes).

Labels: count the yoyos, in the news

I like unsweetened iced tea served with a lemon wedge. I add just a sprinkle of sugar. Mister Apple Pie Restaurant in Rahway NJ & a stand in Keansburg Amusement Park midway serve good, plain brewed iced tea.

"No taxation without representation" began as a slogan in the period 1763-1776 that summarized a primary grievance of the British colonists in the Thirteen Colonies. In short, many in those colonies believed the lack of direct representation in the distant British Parliament was an illegal denial of their rights as Englishmen, and therefore laws taxing the colonists (the kind of law that affects the most individuals directly), and other laws applying only to the colonies, were unconstitutional. In recent times, it has been used by several other groups in several different countries over similar disputes. Wikipedia entry

Residents of the District of Columbia lack representation. Residents of our territories aren't subject to federal taxes. So what's with the tea bag thing? I wouldn't have a problem with a tax protest if I thought the tea baggers were true fiscal conservatives. But other than Ron Paul, they've disappeared from the Republican Party. Paul points out that the whole set up is rigged to feed both parties. The biggest racket of all is war; government makes, profiteer takes. Where were these protestin' clowns the past 8 years? So what do the bail outs & stimulus packages mean?

• Fascism has come to America.
• Socialism has come to America.
• White males have lost control of the White House.
• Real Christians have lost control of the White House.
• The president is not an American citizen.
• "Obama took away my trip to Disneyland" [actual sign held by child, I can't imagine how Barack did it]

Curiously, the only organization in Boston re-enacting the original tea party -- the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender group -- was not associated with the partisan movement. But instead of tossing tea bags overboard, it planned to dump federal tax forms into the harbor on Wednesday night to protest the unequal tax treatment of married same-sex couples. New York Times

If that kid makes it to Disney, hope it's on Gay Day.

Labels: count the yoyos, media madness

I used to finish work at 9 pm Saturdays, as often as not it was like a weekday evening for me, I drove home, made supper, switched on the tube, & watched part of Walker, Texas Ranger while I ate. It was a strange show, made weirder with guest stars like Gwen Verdon, Paul Winfield, Lee Majors, Gary Busey,"Macho Man" Randy Savage, drag performer RuPaul. I couldn't decide if it was deliberately weird; seemed unlikely it was that way on purpose. Chuck Norris struck me as an actor - like Chuck Heston - who rarely had a handle on the whole picture. The bad guys always lost, kicked into submission, of course. Twice, once in real time & once slo-mo. Often, a woman's honor or a child's innocence was being protected. It was a western where the Hero rode a pickup & his sidekick a sports car.

Now Chuck has ideas about becoming President of Texas.

When I appeared on Glenn Beck's radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, "Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?" And he answered, "If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.

It would be unfortunate if he tried to reinstate slavery, or steal land from Mexican-Americans. But as long as Texas doesn't have nukes, & they let us remove all our planes, tanks & guns & other federally-owned stuff, & paid us for the real estate, I don't see Texas posing much threat, they'll be too busy down there guarding all their borders. Don't know what they'll do about Austin. Maybe declare it an open city & move the capitol. We can revoke George's citizenship, too.

*Also Osama bin Laden.

Labels: count the yoyos, Showbiz

Five Muslim immigrants from South Jersey were convicted today of plotting to kill American soldiers, a crime that prosecutors said demonstrated how Al Qaeda was using the Internet to recruit, train and incite supporters for attacks in the United States and around the world.

Jurors at federal district court in Camden deliberated into a sixth day before declaring the men guilty of conspiracy. The jurors, however, acquitted the men of an additional charge of attempted murder. Four of the five men were also convicted of related weapons counts.
***
The Fort Dix five include brothers Eljvir, Dritan and Shain Duka, ethnic Albanians who worked at a family roofing business; Mohamad Shnewer, a Jordanian who drove a cab and worked at his family's market in Pennsauken, and Serdar Tatar, a native of Turkey who was an assistant manager at a Philadelphia 7-Eleven.

Each faces up to life in prison on the conspiracy charge. Under terrorism laws, prosecutors may seek an enhanced sentence of life without parole.
***
The evidence indicated that the men gathered weekly at a Palmyra mosque and regularly watched and discussed Al Qaeda videos extolling jihads and depicting deadly attacks against U.S. forces. In January 2006 and February 2007, they rented a house in the Pocono Mountains, where investigators said they trained for an attack by riding horses, shooting weapons at a rifle range and playing war games with paintball.

Read the whole crazy news article.

The conviction of these fellows oughtn't be taken as a serious warning to or about potential Islamic terrorists. It's a hell of a cautionary tale for loud-mouthed, bigoted white men bonding around their guns, Budweiser , & right wing fantasies. America has plenty of those nasties. Because in nearly every way except their names, religion, & choice of targets, the Fort Dix Five reminded me of stupid, angry white guys immersing themselves in the kind of insane neofascist rhetoric & culture you find simmering just below the surface all across America, bending elbows & ears in roadhouses, running around paintball battlefields, & making incautious remarks about the president-elect.

On one hand, I think the five guys were set up & entrapped by the FBI. On the other hand, it's undeniable that they were imagining & discussing some terrible ideas, & some of them are ingrates & not the least bit thankful to be living & working in America rather than stuck in godforsaken villages where they might have nothing to do but bitch about shameless American sluts as they drool over scantily clad women in dubbed reruns of CSI: Miami.

Their indiscreet talk centered on Fort Dix, the staging point this past summer for our National Guard units beginning the long journey to Iraq via some hot, difficult training in the West Texas desert. You can tell the jurors that has nothing to do with the charges, but you can't make them not think it.

I imagined these guys being spotted early by MPs & chased through the Jersey Pine Barrens for hours, our jihadists tossing their armaments & shouting, "Aiyee, aiyee," wading across mucky creeks, smacking at mosquitoes & scratching their poison ivy rashes, & surrendering to a couple of startled state troopers sipping Wawa coffee by a patrol car on a rural road outside the base. I'd film it as a dark comedy. In truth, I couldn't imagine them pullng together any kind of serious plot & acting on it. The most earnest conspirator was the FBI informant, a bad, bad man. Without his participation, it's possible the defendants would've morphed into a bowling team named "Jihad Pizza."

Really, I try to think the best of the clerks in the 7-11, & cab drivers, & the illegal immigrants nailing roof shingles on brutally hot afternoons.

No doubt The Fort Dix Five will appeal the verdict, & if they're granted one have a strong chance of reversing the conspiracy conviction. The gun charges could stick. But the Duka brothers would be glad to go home to Albania. Unlike any other members of their family they've exposed to deportation.

Labels: count the yoyos, in the news, Iraq, New Jersey

Newton police seek shoplifter who hid vodka in his pants

Newton police are seeking the public's help in locating a shoplifter who took vodka from a local liquor store.Surveillance cameras at the Newton ShopRite recorded the suspect taking several bottles of Stolichnaya Vodka Elite off the shelf Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons and concealing them by sliding them down the front of his pants, police said. He then walked out of the Water Street store without paying for the items, according to police. The vodka was valued at more than $200, police added.

Labels: count the yoyos, shopping

At Gina's tonight watching Keith O after feeding the cats, the doorbell rang. This was unique in my experiences there. At the door were three neighborbood girls, the oldest maybe 13. They had come to see the kitten, or kittens, I wasn't sure. They explained that they had given Gina four kittens. Gina found homes for three & kept one, but I didn't know if she had told the girls yet, so I dodged it. They know I'm the cat guy, I'm over there almost every weekend for a little while, sometimes I sit on the steps in front of the house & read the newspaper while the cats eat. It's a dead end street & the kids play in it.

The kitten was peeking out the door. I handed it to the girls, they passed it around. I said it didn't have a name yet, & Gina expected it to choose its own name, & the oldest girl said seriously, "Yes, sometimes they do that." Don't ask me to explain how this happens, but it does. Apparently satisfied that this kitten was doing fine, they took their leave. "Come back Sunday & get the official report," I said. Nice kids.
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Craig Ferguson: You voted for Barack Obama? Why?
George W. Bush: McCain would just give us 8 more years of Cheney's failed policies.
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Craig Ferguson: You can't leave now. You're president until January 20th, read a copy of the Constitution.
George W. Bush: Cheney ripped them all up.
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Getting back to normal here. I had 12 times my average pageloads on Tuesday - the rise began on Sunday - because Google was finding a blog post from over a year ago that mentioned the electoral college & contained a graphic. Happened twice before with posts about a giant extinct scorpion & a count the yoyos word contest on TV.
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Labels: cats, count the yoyos

Yesterday as I was walking by the Exxon station by downtown Elmora NJ, a tall, young white guy carrying a brown, plastic shopping bag approached me & asked, "Do you want to buy some Rogaine?"

That was a first. I've been offered deals on lots of different things on the street, from crack & sex to umbrellas on sunny days & kittens in shoeboxes, but never hair restorer.

It was dusk & the light wasn't so good, maybe he didn't notice that I'd need to dunk my head in a bucket of minoxidil, or have enough foamy Rogaine to coat my scalp like shaving cream.

I have hair. Sufficient hair that if I grew it long I could comb it over this way & that, in various swirls & patterns, & people could laugh at my thin follicles of vanity. I stopped trying a long time ago. I could grow a ponytail; I grew one in the 90's trying to look like a Vietnamese gangster I saw on a TV cop show. Rogaine wouldn't have helped since my mid-twenties. Although my hair's been receding & disappearing at a slow but unstoppable rate, it was during the first post-adolescent decade that I learned for sure which side of the family provided my hair genes: mom's. That's when I lost the cowlick at the front, & much more, quickly. Then the pace eased off.

Some women care much about men's hair. If you own enough of it you should have it professionally cut, it's not expensive & the cute young haircutter washes it for you, too. You must dye it, otherwise you'll never "score" like the commercials assure us men we will if we but rid ourselves of the dull gray in our hair, if not in our personalities. Older men with full, dark locks ride surfboards, play "Sunshine of Your Love" on guitar, & attract slim, blonde sixty-year old groupies wearing bikinis, oh I wish they all could be California Girls.

But most women I know anywhere around my age are too aware of the processes of time on their own bodies to make-or-break men based on the amount of hair on our heads. If a man feels better with more hair, get more hair. But there's a "ta dah" moment in every relationship when the truth has to come out about everything for both parties, the hair piece, the botox, the face stretch, the Cialis wearing off. You blow out the candles when morning arrives.

Keep the Rogaine or whatever stolen poison was in that bag. If I grew my hair back I'd have to learn to play guitar & stand up on a moving surfboard.

Labels: count the yoyos, Elizabeth NJ, love, sex

It was a good day for creepy political language. The White House said that America & Iraq are seeking "a general time horizon for meeting aspirational goals, such as the resumption of Iraqi security control in their cities and provinces and the further reduction of U.S. combat forces from Iraq."

The term time horizon is not an invention of Bush's advisors, although in this context it means somewhere over the rainbow. Aspiration goals is also not original. A posting a year ago at Unspeak website picked the phrase apart:

“Aspirational” is a glossy-magazine lifestyle fantasy of fast cars, large houses and single-malt whiskies. And aspirations are always virtuous, even if they are — almost by definition — not actually going to be accomplished.

Then there was Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho, a man I definitely do not want standing at an adjacent men's room urinal, saying he does not want Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Nigeria, etc. "jerking us around by the gas nozzle." Videos of his astonishing statement are everywhere. We get what you mean by gas nozzle, Larry, but wonder who Saudi Arabia & Venezuela signify. Anyone we know?

Labels: count the yoyos, in the news