Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Happy Birthday, Chuck Norris*

I used to finish work at 9 pm Saturdays, as often as not it was like a weekday evening for me, I drove home, made supper, switched on the tube, & watched part of Walker, Texas Ranger while I ate. It was a strange show, made weirder with guest stars like Gwen Verdon, Paul Winfield, Lee Majors, Gary Busey,"Macho Man" Randy Savage, drag performer RuPaul. I couldn't decide if it was deliberately weird; seemed unlikely it was that way on purpose. Chuck Norris struck me as an actor - like Chuck Heston - who rarely had a handle on the whole picture. The bad guys always lost, kicked into submission, of course. Twice, once in real time & once slo-mo. Often, a woman's honor or a child's innocence was being protected. It was a western where the Hero rode a pickup & his sidekick a sports car.

Now Chuck has ideas about becoming President of Texas.
When I appeared on Glenn Beck's radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, "Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?" And he answered, "If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.
It would be unfortunate if he tried to reinstate slavery, or steal land from Mexican-Americans. But as long as Texas doesn't have nukes, & they let us remove all our planes, tanks & guns & other federally-owned stuff, & paid us for the real estate, I don't see Texas posing much threat, they'll be too busy down there guarding all their borders. Don't know what they'll do about Austin. Maybe declare it an open city & move the capitol. We can revoke George's citizenship, too.

*Also Osama bin Laden.

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