the rix mix

I regret not being able to attend Henny's funeral today. It's the kind of gathering that happens only at funerals, since every other large passage event , wedding, christening, graduation, is by invitation. & who knows, maybe this will open some doors that had closed over the years through neglect but were never slammed or locked. My pastor brother is doing the service, which reminds me of some events I was not invited to. I've always suspected that my brother imagined I was terribly decadent & potentially a bad influence on his son because I quietly cohabited for years with a lapsed Catholic woman who had graduated Rutgers with a degree in art. Our exciting Saturday nights consisted of sitting around the kitchen table with artist friends, a few bottles of wine, & bags of potato chips. On really special Saturdays we went to the movies or the boardwalk. When we broke up, I took up with, in turn, a grammar school music teacher, a photographer specializing in cute cats, then another artist. I always felt more like an observer than a participant on my occasional forays into the strange land of New Brunswick bars, mostly for poetry readings, where I was booked as a change-of-pace act, the odd little guy who never moved around much or raised his voice on stage. The two bars I most frequented, in Rahway & South Amboy, didn't mind you nursing a beer & were quick to toss out troublemakers. One was reknowned for the homemade potato salad & the other was also an art gallery. Terrible influence.

Maybe it was something else, indifference. But when my sister's kids were teenagers it never occurred to me to discuss religion or politics or morality with them. Clearly, I wasn't into drugs, booze, or sexual licentiousness, or a religious fanatic. I was peculiar enough just being me. I had no dogmas or ideologies to impart. & they weren't looking for any, good for them! However, if I had sensed they were, that would've alarmed me, & I certainly would've warned them to beware of any leader, preacher, teacher claiming to have the answer to every question. The primary role of an uncle is to serve as a compare & contrast with the sibling parent. Kids find that quite amusing without one having to do much of anything.