the rix mix

Henrietta VanPelt Logan Rixon

Henrietta VanPelt Logan Rixon, 91, of Brick, N.J., and formerly from Roselle Park and Mendham, N.J., passed away peacefully on Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2010, at her home. Visiting is on Friday from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. at the O'Brien Funeral Home, 505 Burnt Tavern Rd., Brick, N.J. Service is at the funeral home on Saturday at 10:30 a.m., followed by burial at Graceland Memorial Park in Kenilworth, N.J. For more information or to send condolences, please visit www.obrienfuneralhome.com. Henrietta was born in Elizabeth, N.J. She graduated from Thomas Edison Vocational and Technical High School in 1962 as a licensed practical nurse, and was employed at Elizabeth General Hospital. She was predeceased by husbands, Thomas Logan and Joseph Rixon. She is survived by her daughter, Judith Doggart Volper; her son, Thomas Logan and his wife, Carol; six grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren

Henny, my dad's second wife. She out-lived him by over a quarter of a century. A sad loss for T.J., Carol, Judy, & their families, & a thoughtful moment for me.

I didn't know Henny well while she was married to dad, seen her only a couple of times since he died. I was a hell-raiser the first few years of her marriage to dad, then I settled into a not very responsible but nonetheless quiet, modest, & relatively stable artist lifestyle. But I think those three or four years - I cannot exaggerate how nuts I was - it was a crazy time in America, too - made the lasting impression on Henny & I never got completely past it with her. The sex, drugs & rock & roll really were out-of-character for me. My poor judgment & stubbornness were not. She was always kind to me.

I liked my father by the time he passed away, & I could tell he almost liked me. He was finding something to respect in my stubbornness, although he comprehended little of what I did as a poet & WFMU DJ. I was giving dad copies of my published poems - the ones in the classy literary reviews (the screwball poems went to low budget 'zines). I had every reason to expect some good years with him. It wasn't only me who had changed. He changed. Grandchildren changed him - for my sister's, T.J's, & Judy's kids he became a pop-pop; & how Henny handled children changed him. Henny was a straight-laced woman, but she had a somewhat broader, more generous view of the world close at hand. Her influence on my dad was good. He was contented.

After dad left us, Henny moved down the shore near her "kids" & returned to being mainly a VanPelt/Logan, which seemed natural enough to me. Her family was tighter & more centered than the Rixon siblings, there was no reason for her to remain in Mendham NJ, where she & dad had moved when he took a job with the National Park Service in Morristown & had stayed after he retired.

I'm a bit envious - not bitter or anything - they've had her all along, for their deep personal joys & sadnesses of the past 25 years when we didn't have our father around. Life is odd that way, it's pointless to think of it as fair or unfair, my sister once wisely said. Because no one has missed dad more than my sister.

Labels: growing up, obituary