Saturday, September 13, 2008
Drill Baby Drill with Sarah
Scene: Governor's office, Juneau. Picture window of snowy mountains. Desk. Phone.
Sarah Palin wearing a camouflage outfit, out-sized rimless glasses, Marge Simpson hair, bright red heels. She's standing by desk holding a military assault rifle in one hand, phone in other:
Sarah: "Gotta run, Arnold. Let's get together soon & discuss the Inauguration BALL." Hangs up. Polar bear appears at window. Sarah shoots at it. Presses intercom button:
Sarah: "Bristol?"
Bristol voice : "Yeah mom?"
Sarah: "I just saw another freakin' white thing. Endangered, my ass. & try to reach that guy Rove again, I'm ready to speak boobly babbly here, they're asking all kinds of stupid questions now. Bush doctrine. Moose stew. Legal marijuana. "
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Sarah paces, muttering: "Juneau, Phoenix, Little Rock, Sacramento. No, Montgomery, Juneau, Phoenix....."
Wriggling salmon appears at window. Sarah shoots at it.
Sarah: "Mindless sex, that's all those fish want. They're like teenagers."
Sarah paces back & forth. Goes to to intercom.
Sarah: "Bristol?"
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Sarah: "You all alone?"
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Door opens, man enters wearing coonskin cap, enormous rubber boots. He is unshaven & filthy from head to toe, smeared with crude oil, a bloody fur draped over his shoulder, which he throws at Sarah's feet. A cameraman follows him through the door.
Sarah: "Whoa, careful with the Lower 48 shoes, my handsome carnivore. Are we filming your Alaskan reality show or mine? Oh, it doesn't matter."
Band plays.
Todd sings: "Lay Lady Lay, Lay across my big brass bed. Stay Lady Stay.."
Sarah, frozen & staring at him, interrupts: "You had got me on lay big fella." '
She backs toward desk & drops rifle as she lays down.
Sarah (to camera): "My friends, anyone peekin' in that window just gonna see
my hands holdin' my ankles & a pair
of red heels wavin' in the free
& glorious State of Alaska where
more than 80% of the revenue action
is derived from petroleum extraction."
Todd ambles toward desk, reaching to open the desk drawer.
Sarah: " Hey, Hemingway, no environmental protection, just drill, baby, drill."
Bristol intercom voice: "Yeah, mom?"
Fade out to instrumental version of "Lay Lady Lady. "
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." Thomas Jefferson
Sarah Palin wearing a camouflage outfit, out-sized rimless glasses, Marge Simpson hair, bright red heels. She's standing by desk holding a military assault rifle in one hand, phone in other:
Sarah: "Gotta run, Arnold. Let's get together soon & discuss the Inauguration BALL." Hangs up. Polar bear appears at window. Sarah shoots at it. Presses intercom button:
Sarah: "Bristol?"
Bristol voice : "Yeah mom?"
Sarah: "I just saw another freakin' white thing. Endangered, my ass. & try to reach that guy Rove again, I'm ready to speak boobly babbly here, they're asking all kinds of stupid questions now. Bush doctrine. Moose stew. Legal marijuana. "
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Sarah paces, muttering: "Juneau, Phoenix, Little Rock, Sacramento. No, Montgomery, Juneau, Phoenix....."
Wriggling salmon appears at window. Sarah shoots at it.
Sarah: "Mindless sex, that's all those fish want. They're like teenagers."
Sarah paces back & forth. Goes to to intercom.
Sarah: "Bristol?"
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Sarah: "You all alone?"
Bristol voice: "Yeah, mom."
Door opens, man enters wearing coonskin cap, enormous rubber boots. He is unshaven & filthy from head to toe, smeared with crude oil, a bloody fur draped over his shoulder, which he throws at Sarah's feet. A cameraman follows him through the door.
Sarah: "Whoa, careful with the Lower 48 shoes, my handsome carnivore. Are we filming your Alaskan reality show or mine? Oh, it doesn't matter."
Band plays.
Todd sings: "Lay Lady Lay, Lay across my big brass bed. Stay Lady Stay.."
Sarah, frozen & staring at him, interrupts: "You had got me on lay big fella." '
She backs toward desk & drops rifle as she lays down.
Sarah (to camera): "My friends, anyone peekin' in that window just gonna see
my hands holdin' my ankles & a pair
of red heels wavin' in the free
& glorious State of Alaska where
more than 80% of the revenue action
is derived from petroleum extraction."
Todd ambles toward desk, reaching to open the desk drawer.
Sarah: " Hey, Hemingway, no environmental protection, just drill, baby, drill."
Bristol intercom voice: "Yeah, mom?"
Fade out to instrumental version of "Lay Lady Lady. "
Labels: Grandma Palin, THE election
