the rix mix

Monthly jaunt crosstown to shrink, went on something of a shopping spree on the way home. Nice enough afternoon for the 1.5 mile walk there. The elevator in the building was too uncertain coming level with floor 2, quite bouncy, I was in there with 5 people including a smiling but severely mentally disabled woman who was babbling a lot. The receptionist informed me that Dr. G was out of the office on an emergency (which means some outpatient has gone to pieces & landed at psychiatric inpatient facility) but if I took a seat she'd get another doctor. That could involve a long wait, I would have just rescheduled - monthly appointments are my choice anyway, but I wanted to replenish my Ambien. I know the other three shrinks, two of them I like. As I was waffling about leaving, she informed me that Dr. Depakote would take me right away. I'm afraid of Dr. Depakote. I encountered Dr. D a few years ago. Rather than consult with Dr. G or my long-time therapist, he concluded I was too "agitated" & therefore in a manic state, & made me swallow a time-release Depakote horse pill. Dr. G had never prescribed or even suggested such a heavy-duty med. I was taking a moderate daily dose of Zoloft. The Depakote triggered an accelerated irregular heartbeat, which another doctor quickly decided to treat with some other strong med. The next day, a third doctor looked at my chart, asked me a few simple sensible questions, turned to the nurse & said, "This patient shouldn't be on these drugs, I'm stopping them immediately." Later, I looked up the heart med & found out that it was a very serious drug that ought to be prescribed only by cardiologists & on a longterm basis. If I mentioned to Dr. G that the elevator was acting strangely, he'd think nothing of it. But Dr. Depakote might interpret it as a sign of acute anxiety or even paranoia. I got my Ambien script from Dr. Depakote without incident & took the stairs down.

I bought two button-up shirts at the Salvation Army Store, total $4.48. Usually I don't find anything there. Stopped by main library & checked out three books, including Angela Carter short stories. Carter is such a strong, strange writer that I approach her infrequently & with some caution. She's the kind of artist who stirs me up without influencing me, she's so temperamentally different. Federico Fellini is like that, too.

Downtown, I was drawn in to Payless Shoes. Payless had black canvas high tops for $20, not in my size. I spotted a pair of pretty good sneakers at a good price, they fit well, & I knew I should buy them right there & then. My funky, heavy duty black K Mart sneaks have some miles left, but they're two years old & losing pieces of tread, & approaching the "beach sneaks" stage of their existence. Looking for acceptable, inexpensive new sneakers when you must have new sneakers is a frustrating experience. You regret not buying the sneakers you saw last month. Celebrated with first iced coffee of the season.

Labels: Elizabeth NJ, mental health, shopping, what I'm reading