Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Blizzard

"What matter how the night behaved?
What matter how the north-wind raved?
Blow high, blow low, not all its snow
Could quench our hearth-fire's ruddy glow."
John Greenleaf Whittier, Snowbound
At some point today I'd like to stop by the supermarket, I'm out of a few things. But I'm not looking forward to it. There's a blizzard coming to Union County. It arrives about midafternoon & won't clear out until Thursday night & roads will be impassible until Monday morning because as we all know the guvmint pays triple or quadruple overtime to snow plow drivers on Sundays. Jersey's gonna get it worse than Tug Hill Plateau in upstate New York had it last week, where it snowed 20 feet in 24 hours for a week total 53.7 feet of snow. That's from the "lake effect." In Jersey we suffer the much worse "trapped in two big media markets effect." It intensifies whatever's blowing hard across the Hudson or Delaware Rivers.The news here doesn't lie. On TV, special "Blizzard of the Holocene Epoch" graphics are in place, animated maps in motion. All the weather reporters looked in their mirrors & practiced their expressions of acute anxiety combined with smug, I told you so last week & it hasn't even happened yet self-importance. This is their moment at the top of the broadcast. Radio announcers play with tones of controled hysteria.

So at the supermarket I'd like to pick up some instant oatmeal, yogurt, & a few cans of chili, all on sale this week, before I head to the library. Shoppers normally at the store only during the hell hours of weekend mornings, when every week is like an impending natural meterological disaster, will be wheeling baskets heaped up with "essentials," bleating at their kids & into their cellphones, bumping into confused, panicky citizens accustomed to eating suppers at Burger King & purchasing cat food at 7-11. People with lactose intolerance stock up on gallons of whole milk. Those with wheat allergies grab every loaf in sight, leaving only the potato bread. Guys who had their arteries reamed out in January pile up the cartons of eggs. Everyone adds a few rolls of toilet paper to the year's supply they picked up at Sam's Club before Christmas. Shelves are picked clean. Even the house brand packaged sliced salami & imitation processed cheese slices are gone. It's the moment when Latinos discover knishes & Orthodox Jews find the kosher refried beans next to the adobe powder. All of this pandemonium funnels toward the checkouts in a rush to beat the terrible storm. Haven't you heard? There's a blizzard coming.

Comments:
Ever notice, it's always the eggs, milk and bread the hysterical ones need and buy in mass quantities?

As if we're going to stay home in the snow and make French Toast all day.
 
I've noticed that it's toilet paper, milk, eggs and --I'd love to know the reason -- bananas! A potential potassium shortage?
 
We didn't get a lot of snow here, but we did get a lot of ice which in my opinion is far worse.:(
 
My ex's nervous mom lived on Midwood Drive by the park in Rahway, so an inch of snow looked like a foot. She was always freaking out because she couldn';t see the street. There wasn't any damned traffic on that street!
 
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