Saturday, November 04, 2006
Let Not the Wise His Wisdom Boast
It's all over for Pastor Ted. If you're inclined to doubt Mike Jones' accounts of deep tissue massages, believe Ted Haggard's New Life Church Overseer Board:
The people least shocked by this are southerners, who are not unaccustomed to seeing prideful local Bible thumpers throw themselves into the manure pile, but usually by-way-of some ripely attractive woman in the church choir.
(check out the the Twinkies of New Life Church. Choose the male lead for the next Twyla Tharp musical. Will it be Lance? Ross? Matthew?)
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." Thomas Jefferson
We, the Overseer Board of New Life Church, have concluded our deliberations concerning the moral failings of Pastor Ted Haggard. Our investigation and Pastor Haggard's public statements have proven without a doubt that he has committed sexually immoral conduct.Don't worry for Pastor Ted; bigshot preachers like him have bigshot bank accounts & investments. Not that he'll have much left when his wife's lawyers are finished with him; she's got five kids to look after. It won't help him to write another book unless he's willing to make it a tell-all. (Previous uplifting Haggard titles include "Dog Training, Fly Fishing, And Sharing Christ In The 21st Century," "Primary Purpose: Making It Hard for People to Go to Hell from Your City," & "From This Day Forward: Making Your Vows Last a Lifetime." )
The people least shocked by this are southerners, who are not unaccustomed to seeing prideful local Bible thumpers throw themselves into the manure pile, but usually by-way-of some ripely attractive woman in the church choir.
(check out the the Twinkies of New Life Church. Choose the male lead for the next Twyla Tharp musical. Will it be Lance? Ross? Matthew?)
