the rix mix

spring
Windy, raw, not a good day for fresh beginnings, a new season on a Monday.
I really could have used a reasonably mild afternoon to get out of a funk;
my angry coward mode. I become anxious, then frightened, then angry at myself.What I learned in those years of therapy was basically so simple; recognizing a particular thought/emotion pattern. Stepping back from it, & saying to myself,"It happens. It comes & it goes." It can't always be fought. It fact, it's better usually not to fight it. Struggling with it, trying to grab it & wrestle it into submission, is inviting defeat. It lives off my sense of having been beaten by my own brain molecules. But entering into it is worse. Just know what it is, & don't follow or embellish or develop it. This is necessary because a funk can take over & use my creativity & imagination. So my attitude has to be, "Go ahead, but I'm not feeding you what you want. Instead of writing what you're saying, I'll write about you." I can let the cycle spin itself out rather than spinning around in it. I've gone on spinning for days, months, in the past, around & down. "Yeah, you knocked my Monday over. But it's spring, & there's a Tuesday tomorrow."