Thursday, March 24, 2005
Hugging Elena
Dr. E.K. noted that I hugged her for the first time today. It was also at the end of our final session, as I was leaving her office. For me, it wasn't the last act of our therapist/client relationship, but the first of a post-clinical friendship. I'd never felt comfortable enough to hug her until now. 
After 5 years, she'll always have a psychologist's edge; particular insights into my personality & behavior that's she kept to herself. But now, those insights belong to an "old" friend who has known me during some of my most vulnerable periods. E.K. actually wondered how we would greet each other should we happen to meet while in company of other people. I said I wasn't concerned about it. If I'm with someone who knows me well, I'll have no problem introducing my former therapist, & even enjoy it. Otherwise, she's someone I worked with. I also said there's no rule that says I can't drop her a note about what I'm doing, or send a new poem. I felt sad at the change, but also liberated, & that attitude of new possibilities was not lost on E.K., I think it relaxed her & made her last session with her last client at the clinic an enjoyable one. I not only appreciated being her final scheduled appointment there, I deserved the spot. She knows what I'm like on a good day; but even on good days in therapy you have to turn to the business at hand. Over the years, we've touched on a lot of subjects that we couldn't follow through on; American culture & politics, human rights, Russian classical music, Jewish & Christian traditions & morality, language, the seasons, holidays. Of course, we couldn't go across the street to the cafeteria, get some coffee, & just talk about anything. If were up to me, we could. But I never seriously challenged her professional distance & authority. She carries her expertise gracefully, & she had to earn the authority because she was, after all, working for me, & she was responsible for accomplishing what all the kings horses & men could not do. This blog is a tribute to her, especially the poems I drop into it time to time.
As an artist, & spiritually, I try to think of myself as a citizen of the world. But I'm also a guy from New Jersey & although E.K. is from Russia, she is now, I half-joked, a "Jersey girl." "What is a Jersey girl?" she asked. She's asked me a lot of questions over the years about America. "A girl from Jersey," I replied.
After 5 years, she'll always have a psychologist's edge; particular insights into my personality & behavior that's she kept to herself. But now, those insights belong to an "old" friend who has known me during some of my most vulnerable periods. E.K. actually wondered how we would greet each other should we happen to meet while in company of other people. I said I wasn't concerned about it. If I'm with someone who knows me well, I'll have no problem introducing my former therapist, & even enjoy it. Otherwise, she's someone I worked with. I also said there's no rule that says I can't drop her a note about what I'm doing, or send a new poem. I felt sad at the change, but also liberated, & that attitude of new possibilities was not lost on E.K., I think it relaxed her & made her last session with her last client at the clinic an enjoyable one. I not only appreciated being her final scheduled appointment there, I deserved the spot. She knows what I'm like on a good day; but even on good days in therapy you have to turn to the business at hand. Over the years, we've touched on a lot of subjects that we couldn't follow through on; American culture & politics, human rights, Russian classical music, Jewish & Christian traditions & morality, language, the seasons, holidays. Of course, we couldn't go across the street to the cafeteria, get some coffee, & just talk about anything. If were up to me, we could. But I never seriously challenged her professional distance & authority. She carries her expertise gracefully, & she had to earn the authority because she was, after all, working for me, & she was responsible for accomplishing what all the kings horses & men could not do. This blog is a tribute to her, especially the poems I drop into it time to time.As an artist, & spiritually, I try to think of myself as a citizen of the world. But I'm also a guy from New Jersey & although E.K. is from Russia, she is now, I half-joked, a "Jersey girl." "What is a Jersey girl?" she asked. She's asked me a lot of questions over the years about America. "A girl from Jersey," I replied.
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"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." Thomas Jefferson
Bob,
It is tough when you lose a person you can relate to(your therapist).I hope you have a blessed Easter.I live along the Bay for now I was living in Vermont.I like the solitude of the mountains.The rents are cheap and there is mass transportation.Jersey is just to crowded and expensive to live.Keep the poem writing up I enjoy the the blog.Not to many people write about the Jersey shore.
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It is tough when you lose a person you can relate to(your therapist).I hope you have a blessed Easter.I live along the Bay for now I was living in Vermont.I like the solitude of the mountains.The rents are cheap and there is mass transportation.Jersey is just to crowded and expensive to live.Keep the poem writing up I enjoy the the blog.Not to many people write about the Jersey shore.
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