Sunday, January 25, 2004


SCHLEMECTABILITY

A New Hampshire voter said he sees "terrific choices" among the candidates but has reservations about many of them. He worries that "the days of liberal New England politicians winning the White House are over," which makes him doubt Kerry's electability. Which liberal New England politician is this voter referring to? Here's all the Presidents who were born in New England:

John Adams
John Quincy Adams
Franklin Pierce
Chester Alan Arthur
Calvin Coolidge
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
George Herbert Walker Bush
George Walker Bush (B. 1946, New Haven, Conn)

How many "liberals" there in the sense we use the word now? Zero. JFK nailed Nixon with taxes, the "missile gap" & the five o'clock shadow; not civil rights, universal health care & environmental protection.

I don't care which current Democratic candidate is the most "Democrat." Rather than question them on "issues," I'd prefer unrolling a map of the United States, an electoral college map*, with all the available votes written in the states. Massachusetts would be blue for Democrat. The other 49 states would be red, for Republicans. "Worse case scenario," I'd say, but there's hope. Now, don't gimme no song & dance about taking it to "the people." The people elected Gore; unfortunately, the states didn't. If you don't already have an electoral strategy, you should drop out now. If you do, we would love to hear it. Begin by explaining to us Democrats how you're gonna take Missouri, Florida, Iowa, Oregon & New Jersey away from George W. Bush. Because right now they're in play, Mister Candidate. Oh no, seems that George grabbed Arkansas & Wisconsin too. Tough break. Tell ya what, pick one, tell me why it's going for you, & I'll make it a split.

Oh looky over on the left coast, I handed California to Dubya. Must be the "Arnie" factor. Close, but apparently too many gays & pot smokers up north stayed home. Got any ideas for changing that? Now how you gonna pull enough votes outta New York City & Chicago to carry New York & Illinois? Is North Carolina winnable? It's south of Virginia, which is or ain't? Add 'em up, fellas.

With all due respect to my more uncompromising liberal & leftist friends, whose views I generally share: You all told me McGovern would win, Reagan could never be elected, Reagan could never be re-elected, Dukakis would win, Gore was a walk, & now I'm rather surprised you're not claiming Howard Dean can carry Texas. You're dancing on the moon, still.

*Check out the Mississippi & Ohio River valley states in 2000. Then click on 1992.

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