Friday, January 30, 2004

New Yahoo Discussion Group
I was invited to join "The Revolutionary Art Collective."
Their logo: fist clutching strand of barbed wire, below block letters "THE STRUGGLE," on a red background.

"The revolution will not be a cliche."
Gil Scott-Humorless

If the person sitting next to you on a train at 7 am pops open a tupperware bowl, & what's in it smells like cheap dog food and looks like cheap dog food, it is cheap dog food. No substance is like cheap dogfood.

Lady Astor: You smell, Mister Churchill.
Winston: That is incorrect. I stink. You smell.

I don't believe I'm an excellent poet, based on the overall quality of my poems. What's long puzzled & disturbed me is that I'm not considered an especially interesting poet. I sort of became an inconsistent poet because it interested me to become one.

Off Zoloft now, over two weeks, some remarkable changes - better physical sensitivity, notably touch. Also anger welling up, unbottled, expressing outward (depression is inward), & definitely seeking targets, a few of whom/which actually have it coming to them. It takes a dangerous load of pent-up anger to become even righteously pissed off while taking Zoloft. That isn't good. Because it inhibited me, Zoloft ended up making me even more depressed.

There are always side effects. Welbutrin simply isn't as strong as Zoloft - it's not a zombifier - but it causes mild tintinitus, makes me slightly off-balance, & most strangely, constantly tries to switch my brain into a pre-sleep mode, which my body refuses to obey. Zoloft was quite the opposite. I was often so listless that I couldn't prevent my falling asleep - tough on anyone who loves reading & listening to music..... zzzzzzzz. The claim that Zoloft makes one more like oneself is a lie. It brings out other true qualities - I became more courteous, generally more accepting, less easily bugged by situations that are too unimportant or too distant to warrant getting upset over. But aren't these also indications of mature outlook? I went on Zoloft at age 51, I'm now 55. & at this point I'm willing to risk the premature ejaculation (which you can bet your pheremones Zoloft cures & unfortunately then some) just to feel a libido again. I need my libido for much more than sex, which I don't have anyway. Like being human. For months before I ended up back in hospital I'd been complaining to my therapist about feeling emotionally numb, distinterested in my own welfare, let down by a mental health system that doped me up yet wouldn't act as my advocate in practical matters, & inauthentic - which I understood even if she didn't.

Add YOUR comments here

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." Thomas Jefferson

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?