Monday, December 08, 2003
Today's Horoscope: Speak your mind clearly, dear Scorpio. Other people aren't mind readers the way you are. If you keep waiting around for someone else to figure out what you are thinking, you may be dead before the truth is ever brought out into the open. Give people a break and let them know what is going on inside your head. Communication is extremely important, and today it begins with you, so feel free to take the first step toward opening up the door.
Sent a note to Dr. K today ending our counseling relationship, following up with a phone message. Clearly, taken overall - since late 1999 - it has failed. Four years during which I've slowly sunk into a swamp of debt, lawsuits, lethargy, deeper depression, broken familial relationships, my world shrinking down to a convergence of downtown Rahway streets. Two weeks ago Dr. K lectured me on the example of "brave" elderly Russian immigrants working the system to their advantage. Let me tell you about these immigrants. Their grown children come here first & get settled, then send for their parents - people who spent their lives working to "bury" the United States. But we buried them. When their "nation" collapsed, so did the security of their socialist worker's retirement. But America offers SSI, subsidized housing & much more to these old comrades, if they can get here & survive for a few years. Yes, it takes bravery to jump off a sinking ship. But the greatest problem they face here is culture shock, for which they are counseled at Trinitas, by .... yup, Dr. K.
Well, sez I to meeself, maybe I wanna be hanging out with old Russians; already experienced at working the stubborn, graft-ridden old Communist system, the American bureaucracy must be a piece of cake.
Constantly reassured things will get better, supplied with all the Zoloft, Ambien & Welbutran I can eat, I've turned into a listless zombie who sleeps 12 hours a day & can't even bring himself to fill out & deliver a food stamp application, so hopeless do I feel about a future I have rendered hopeless while being in counseling at Trinitas. Is this a psychiatric emergency? Probably. If I said "let's go" they would lock me up for two weeks, feed me, let me read poetry & watch plenty of TV, then dump me out in the dead of winter, back into the cesspool I've made of my life. That part never seems to change. It just gets deeper.
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." Thomas Jefferson
Sent a note to Dr. K today ending our counseling relationship, following up with a phone message. Clearly, taken overall - since late 1999 - it has failed. Four years during which I've slowly sunk into a swamp of debt, lawsuits, lethargy, deeper depression, broken familial relationships, my world shrinking down to a convergence of downtown Rahway streets. Two weeks ago Dr. K lectured me on the example of "brave" elderly Russian immigrants working the system to their advantage. Let me tell you about these immigrants. Their grown children come here first & get settled, then send for their parents - people who spent their lives working to "bury" the United States. But we buried them. When their "nation" collapsed, so did the security of their socialist worker's retirement. But America offers SSI, subsidized housing & much more to these old comrades, if they can get here & survive for a few years. Yes, it takes bravery to jump off a sinking ship. But the greatest problem they face here is culture shock, for which they are counseled at Trinitas, by .... yup, Dr. K.
Well, sez I to meeself, maybe I wanna be hanging out with old Russians; already experienced at working the stubborn, graft-ridden old Communist system, the American bureaucracy must be a piece of cake.
Constantly reassured things will get better, supplied with all the Zoloft, Ambien & Welbutran I can eat, I've turned into a listless zombie who sleeps 12 hours a day & can't even bring himself to fill out & deliver a food stamp application, so hopeless do I feel about a future I have rendered hopeless while being in counseling at Trinitas. Is this a psychiatric emergency? Probably. If I said "let's go" they would lock me up for two weeks, feed me, let me read poetry & watch plenty of TV, then dump me out in the dead of winter, back into the cesspool I've made of my life. That part never seems to change. It just gets deeper.
