Monday, August 25, 2003
What a week. After fill-in on WFMU last Sunday & a nice trip to Seaside Heignts with friends Jim & Rose last Monday, things began unraveling quickly. Two months ago I had promised something to my landlord based on something a friend promised to do for me - a paint job. She didn't keep her word, so I couldn't keep mine, & now, to put it starkly, I'm fucked. She gets to walk away without any consequences to her own life. & she walked away very quickly when given the opportunity.
So why is it that I feel like a Symbolic Generic Male who stupidly made a target of himself for a woman's unconscious need to throw a man's life into chaos the way men did that to her decades ago? Yeah, watch me take this guy down, him & his fucking ego & conceited art & self-centered need to be loved & accepted. Well, mission accomplished, a mission she didn't even know she was on; like The Manchurian Candidate she was programmed to do it long ago.
There are people who unwittingly (yet in an oddly predictable way) have a capacity for unhinging the lives of others. I thought I had learned to recognize these dangerous qualities. How naive of me.
