Friday, January 25, 2013

Had an odd dream last night in which my former landlord was suing me to collect some old utility bills I'd somehow stuck him with. He was decent  man, affable, community-minded,  but he was a hard-nosed businessman when he had to be. The circumstances of leaving that apartment are not ones I like to remember. But he recognized I had other very serious issues, he had to be pushed a long way before he had had enough.

Besides that shock in the dream, a former girlfriend, the one I lived with for many years, showed up as a sympathetic character.  Usually, I dream of her as a sort of remote, detached personality, & I'm not certain what my relationship is with her. The guy she's married to now is often lurking around in the background. Which was pretty much how the end of our relationship played out. But in this dream she was clearly indignant about the suit. Indignation was probably her most pronounced emotion. She could get really wound up  - & stay wound up -  over some perceived slight by someone that I tended to dismiss as not worth the  emotional energy. Of course, it might be different if it happened to me. But I was inclined to let those things go as characteristic of the person, if I knew the person well enough.  I'd have a private burst of anger, the steam vented, & that was that. Betrayal or disloyalty were different matters. & a stalled express checkout line at the supermarket could put me in a lousy mood for hours.  She had a much closer relationship with her family than I had with mine; I needed surrogate family, a few steady friends & allies, applying a "family" standard of being supportive even if I  didn't agree with how a friend was handling a particular situation. We had a very "closed" relationship (not the same as a private one).  She preferred it. I think I just fell into it. It was easy to do. After we broke up, I was absolutely certain she would have the same kind of relationship with the guy she married. i warned our mutual friends, "She's gonna swim away from you,  wait & see. Nothing really personal. It'll just happen. " It did.

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